Several Mummies have asked me on Shichida 5-Minute Suggestion Method, so here’s a post sharing how we use it. To tackle child-raising challenges on behaviour, sleep, tantrums and more.
As mentioned on my Shichida Review & FAQs article, I signed up for classes 4 years ago to learn the 5-Minute Suggestion Method to help Vee sleep better.
Yes, not for brain stimulation or whatever else, I was desperate to try anything that could stop Vee from fussing every. single. hour through the night, at a grand old age of 14 months old.
And apparently, this Shichida 5-Minute Suggestion Method is amazing! Over the past 4 years, I’ve been using it to overcome all sorts of challenges that traditional methods such as teaching, discussing, nagging, and occasionally threatening (!) can’t handle.
These scenarios include:
- Helping my kids (from newborn to toddler) sleep more soundly
- Helping them control their temper and behaviour better
- Helping them focus better during home practice and learning
- Helping them overcome illnesses by self-healing
- Apologising and healing our relationship when I’ve been too harsh
- Simply conveying my love to them after a hectic day
Why 5-Minute?
The 5-minute refers to within 5 minutes of the child having fallen asleep. This is when she is still in light sleep, her mind is in Theta state, and can more easily absorb the message that we’re conveying to her.
If you miss this 5-minute window, you may still reach the Theta state when the child is in REM (Rapid Eye Movement) stage of sleeping. That’s when the eyelids are fluttering.
Anyway, when I can’t figure out whether the eyelids are fluttering in pitch darkness, I simply use the 5-Minute as long as he’s sleeping, no harm trying right? 🙂
What to say during?
This is how I just did it for Baby El who’s teething:
Carry and rock him to sleep
After he falls asleep, I start talking to him…
“Baby El, you’re asleep…? You can hear Mummy talking to you. Mummy loves you, Daddy loves you, everyone in the family loves you. You’re a wonderful baby.
You can use your own energy to get rid of the discomfort in your body. You can remove the gas in you. Your teeth will sprout very gently through your gums.
You will be able to sleep soundly through the night. Your bed is soft, fluffy and very comfortable. You will have sweet dreams and sleep soundly until 9 o’clock in the morning.
You’re a lovely baby. Mummy loves you, Daddy loves you, everyone in the family loves you. Sleeping is so wonderful.
Good night, sweet dreams…”
Then plant a big kiss on his cheek
Vee had high fever last week, and this is what I said:
“Vee, you’re asleep…? You can hear Mummy talking to you. Mummy loves you, Daddy loves you, everyone in the family loves you. You’re a wonderful boy.
You can use your own energy to get rid of the germs and viruses in your body. You’re a strong and healthy boy. You can heal yourself. When you wake up in the morning, your high fever will be gone.
You’ll sleep soundly and rest well until 8 o’clock in the morning.
You’re a lovely boy. Mummy loves you, Daddy loves you, everyone in the family loves you.
Good night, sweet dreams…”
Then plant a big kiss on his cheek
It’s that easy! I love using it to correct behaviours (such as being overactive during lesson time or snatching). Why? Because the child will be receiving my message fully, instead of pretending to ignore me or even talk back.
Some pointers to note:
- Touch the child lovingly when talking to her
- Be sincere
- When talking, image the child in the desired behaviour. E.g. In my mind, I’d see Baby El sleeping soundly on his bed.
- Continue every day for 7 to 21 days, until you’ve tackled the issue on hand
- Be specific about the message. No more than 3 “requests”. (Ha… cannot be greedy, Mummy!)
After 4 years, hubby and I still continue to use this Shichida 5-minute method on our 3 kids. We sincerely believe it works.
Hope you’ll find this sharing useful. All the best!
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References:
1. Shichida Parents’ Handbook
2. 七田真育儿法：“5分钟暗示法”的作用, by Shichida China, http://www.shichidachina.com/News/detail/item/271, accessed on 21 March 2014
3. Meet Your Brain Waves — Introducing Alpha, Beta, Theta, Delta, And Gamma, by FINERMINDS, http://www.finerminds.com/mind-power/brain-waves/, accessed on 21 March 2014
4. Alpha, Beta, Theta, Delta Brain Waves – What’s the Difference?, by Silva Life System, http://www.silvalifesystem.com/articles/brain-waves/alpha-beta-theta-delta-brain-waves-difference/, accessed on 21 March 2014
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Hi, thanks so much for this post. I cant wait to try it as recently, my 2 yr old gal started biting her friends in sch aft she gt bitten by another classmate when they were snatchin something from each other. Nw, she bites for no apparent reason according to the teacher but she nv does this at hm. It has been 3 consecutive weeks n she will bite once a week. I kept her hm this week for fear of this happening agn. Tried many ways but din work:( Can i check w u wat i can say to her? I do not want to mention the word “bite”. Also, if we talk to them within the 5 min aft they have fallen aslp, by right they shldnt fidget n move coz they have fallen aslp right? Thank you so much in advance.
Hi Lee Ying, oh… 2-year old 🙂 My 2.5-yo is now in the stage of smacking his elder brother as and when he likes, so I’m also using the 5-min method on him.
E.g.
XXX, you’re asleep… you’re soundly asleep and you can hear mummy talking to you.
Mummy loves you, the whole family loves you.
I love you so much, our hearts are always together.
Your teeth are used to chew on food and you’ll use them only on food and not on people.
XXX is a very gentle girl, you’ll be very gentle to your classmates, friends, teachers and family members.
You’ll be a relaxed, calm and peaceful girl.
Your classmates are still learning how to play nicely with you, so you’ll be patient with them.
You’ll be gentle to them.
If you’re upset, you’ll take a deep breath and tell your teacher or mummy.
And you’ll be fine again very soon.
(Image her being a very gentle girl.)
If your girl fidgets when you’re talking to her, means may have to wait a while more.
Best is her body is completely relaxed yet mind is able to receive your messages.
Hope this helps. 🙂
Thanks so much Mievee:) this is really v v helpful. I do not really know wat to say n ur reply really enlighten me:) i really appreciate ur help:)
You’re most welcome, Lee Ying. Shichida, Montessori & Karen Tyler are my teachers. I learnt so much parenting wisdom from them. All the best! 🙂
I enjoyed reading this article … I want to read it again to try some of the ideas.
Hi, I have 2 girls, 5 yrs old & 1.5 yrs old. Both of them are extremely bad-tempered & throw tantrums easily. Almost anywhere, anytime… Recently, they had gotten worse and the teachers always have things to complain about them every other day. Even called me at work! Reasoning and explaining doesn’t seem to work on them, so does beatings & scoldings… The toddler is quickly picking up everything from her sister. Even the way they throw tantrums are the same! I am at my wit’s end now as I’m so worried that these behaviours will become permanent.
Can you help me on this?
Hi Dora, there could be many possible causes that you’d need to explore.
As a basic, you’d need to review if you’ve been able to show them sufficient patience, love and attention.
Often, little children need explicit love assurances. For instance, long deep hugs every day (morning & evening when they’re nice & calm), verbal assurances (“Mummy loves you. You’d be a wonderful girl at school.)
Beatings & scoldings without understanding the underlying cause would be ineffective.
These could also sour the relationship, leading to poorer behaviour (negative behaviour to get attention, negative attention is also attention.), a vicious cycle.
It’s natural that the younger girl imitates the elder girl. My kids do the same too.
Understand that your children are still being moulded. Show love and concern to them. Set firm boundaries for behaviour, especially for the older one. When she’s able to set a good example, the toddler will follow suit more easily.
Have a heart-to heart talk with her.
Set a few major house rules together, so that she’s accountable.
For us, it’s “gentle behaviour”, “calmness”, “peaceful relationship”, “good manners”, and “honesty”.
My kids recite the rules to me every morning. I abide by the same rules too, to set an example.
If anyone breaks the rules, I’d remind him firmly. And he’d have to calm down, reflect, and make an effort to correct his behaviour.
Find time to have one-to-one time with her. E.g. have a walk in the park.
Hope this helps and all the best!
May I ask if I missed the 5 mins window for more than an hour, will it still work?
Hi Dora, even if they’re sound asleep, just give it a try. All the best!
My 16 months lo take me as human pacifier and he needs to suck on my breast every time he sleeps..I tried hugging, bottle milk before sleep, makes sure he’s not hungry before sleeps but he still need me to fall asleep no matter what and needs me back if he wakes up at night for few times..Can you give me a guidance of how to speak to him on it? Desperately need your respective help. Thank you!
Hi Mabel, I can imagine because my #1 and #3 are high-need sleepers. If the baby associates bf with sleeping, then he’d need that before sleep and during every sleep cycle change.
So one way is to help him change his sleep association. Read these books reviewed at my other blog: this and this
One way is let someone else close to him put him to bed, if possible. For a few days in a row. Interestingly, some babies need mummy when she’s nearby. Then when she’s not there, they’re actually ok. I was hospitalised for dengue fever in April and El (~18 months old) was already day-weaned yet clingy at night. During those 5 nights, he had to sleep with our helper and was weaned off easily after the first night.
Also try using these words with the 5-min method:
Carry and rock him to sleep
After he falls asleep, I start talking to him…
“Baby, you’re asleep…? You can hear Mummy talking to you. Mummy loves you, Daddy loves you, everyone in the family loves you. You’re a wonderful baby.
You’re sleeping very soundly, very deeply. You can hear mummy talking to you.
You will be able to sleep soundly through the night. Your bed is soft, fluffy and very comfortable. You will have sweet dreams and sleep soundly until XXX o’clock in the morning.
When you’re sleeping, you don’t need to bf anymore. You’ll only need to drink milk when you wake up at XXX o’clock in the morning.
You’re sleeping soundly and independently…
You’re a lovely baby. Mummy loves you, Daddy loves you, everyone in the family loves you. Sleeping is so wonderful.
Good night, sweet dreams…”
Then plant a big kiss on his cheek
All the very best!
Will definitely try the methods of your kind guidance and prompt reply.? Thank you Thank you Thank You!
Hi,
I have a toddler (1 and 1/2 year old). Since few days, he is throwing all his toys everywhere and sometimes on his sister (6 year old) too. He hits his sister very often. He wants to eat food himself on a plate. If we provide he eats little and throws everything. He still doesn’t talk. for everything he screams. How can I use 5 minute suggestion with him? Please help.
Regards,
Shilpa
Hi Shilpa, among your concerns, choose the top 1 to 2 to handle first. When using the 5-minute method, you’d need to emphasise your love for your boy. This assures him and could help correct his behaviour. Then use the format given: remind him that when he hits his sister, she’d feel hurt. Remind him that hands are for gentle behaviour and he’d be gentle. Then emphasise your love again.
Besides the 5-min method, these are suggestions for day-time:
– teach him baby sign language. He’d be able to indicate his needs by signing instead of throwing a tantrum. I taught my 3 children to sign, and have experienced the benefits. More info at my other blog here: http://www.mummysreviews.com/2010/02/23/baby-sign-language-our-experience/
– since he enjoys throwing, provide throwing activities. You may find ideas here:
https://www.mummyshomeschool.com/montessori-for-baby/
– self-feeding is a positive and natural development. However, if he throws the food, I understand the mess. If you provide the throwing activities above, he may find it less tempting to throw food. You may offer him dry food for self-feeding, that is easier to clean up. Offer a few bits each time. E.g. 3 small pieces of steamed carrots. Remind him to put in his mouth. If he does so, offer a few more. If he throws, remind him that “Food is for the mouth, not the floor. Please put the food in your mouth or I’d feed you instead.”
At 1.5-year old, he may be interested in using a fork / spoon. (I offer small stainless steel ones.) When his effort is directed at learning to use the fork / spoon, he may throw less. To help the child eat more, I’d feed him while he self-feeds.
All the best!
Hi. My 15 months LO had been standing to poo poo since she was 13 months old. Recently we tried to potty train her but she will scream & shout then refuse to poo poo. And now it had been already 2 days now she did not poo. Can you please guide me on how to speak to her on this? Thank you!
Hi Natalie, when using the 5-min method on potty-training, continue to follow the format:
– assure your child that you love her
– assure her that it’s comfortable to poo while sitting at the potty. Say related positive things.
– assure her of your love again
For daytime potty training, you may find ideas at my other blog:
http://www.mummysreviews.com/2010/08/23/18-sure-fire-tips-for-early-potty-training-success/
http://www.mummysreviews.com/2012/01/19/potty-training-11-more-tips-for-early-success/
All the best to you!
Hi Mie Vee, I’m new to your page its very interesting and very good guidence as a 1st time mommy. My LO is 14mth she. She gets angry very fast n throw things and biting her own finger. I’m really confused how should I stop her from doing it. I scolded n even beat her but still her temper very bad. Hope you could give me good suggestion.
Hi latha, if the child gets angry easily, then I’d usually explore the root cause of the anger:
– lack of tender loving care?
– too may caregivers providing confusing messages?
– lack of sufficient quality sleep?
– caregiver(s) has anger management problems?
Target on the root cause first and it’d be easier to help her.
Throw things: it’s a normal developmental stage. At this stage, I offer my toddler a basket with a fabric ball to aim and throw at. My kids love it!
When she feels like throwing something, remind her that she can go to the “Throwing Activity” instead.
If you’re trying to calm a child down, scolding / beating can make him/her even more agitated.
Try to show her deep breathing every day, few times a day is good too.
Do it yourself to calm yourself down, because taking care of a toddler can be very challenging.
When you’re calm and patient, your feelings can positively influence your child.
All the best!
thanks, interesting article, what should i say for children that are older, such as 3.5 years and 5 years old? any idea?
is there any reading article on the principles of Shichida method ?
thanks
Hi susie, it depends on what concerns you’d like to tackle for your children. Just focus on the concern and put your point across in a positive way.
If you read Chinese, you learn more from the books here: https://www.mummyshomeschool.com/shichida-method-review-faq/#info
You may also look out for my home practice workshops at http://owlissimo.com/products/
All the best!
Hi
My kid seems to have separation anxiety whenever we drop him off at his kindergarten. No matter how we reassure him, he will start crying the moment we leave.
How can we use the 5 mins method to help him? Do you have any sample on what we should say to him?
Hi Shereen, for kindy drop-off, I think the important thing is to observe whether he likes the school. If he likes the school, only fusses at drop-off and is fine once you leave and the teachers take over, then I think it’s fine.
5 minute method example: “Mummy loves you… you’re a wonderful boy (and other assuring words you like). You enjoy school and like to learn with your teacher and friends (assuming this is true from your observation). Mummy loves you and you’d feel very assured when you reach school in the morning. You’d be happy and walk confidently into school… (add other assuring words if you have)… Mummy loves you very much, good night, sweet dreams.”
My #1 attended kindy at 5.5yo, in the final term of K1, no problem with drop-off from the start. High needs child at home, sociable child in school.
My #2 attended kindy at 4y2m, K1, very clingy and cried when I left, for weeks. Independent child at home, introvert in school. After 4 months, he finally agreed to leave the car and walk in by himself.
I didn’t use the 5-min method on him because I observed that the school wasn’t meeting his needs. Just when I managed to drop him off with ease, we swopped to homeschooling for a while more.
That’s why I suggest looking into his age, nature (high needs / independent), personality (sociable / introvert), whether school meets his needs, etc. first before finding the suitable approach.
Hope this helps and all the best!
Hi.
My 25 months LO is such a picky eater. She refuse to eat texture food as she never wants to bite the food & will just want to swallow. She will only eat porridge & if the porridge contain food which she needs to bite, she will just swallow the porridge & leave them in her mouth. later she will spit out the remaining. I had tried to cook all sorts of food for her but still refuse to eat. I even scolded or persuade her to eat & still not works.
Can I use Shichida 5 Minute method on her? What should I speak to her? Please help.
Thank you!
Hi Nicole, you may always try the 5-min method and give her positive encouraging messages such as “Textured foods have more variety and offer you more nutrition. You’d grow to enjoy them, eat well and be strong and healthy.”
Do keep exploring the root cause. Contact a good paediatrician or therapist for help?
The book Right From The Start by Daisy Ng (my good friend) includes food nutrition info for children and interesting recipes for picky-eaters. Published by MPH.
You may also check out this blog: http://www.ot-mom-learning-activities.com/dealing-with-picky-eaters.html
All the best!
Hey…my 3.5 year old have suddenly picked few bad habits like nail peeling, nailing biting and picking nose….have tried to make him understand softly, hardly….tried 5 min suggestion as well….but he just doesn’t leave this habbit….any particular phrase which I can use maybe??.
Hi Shweta, try exploring where he learnt these behaviours from. If from preschool, then you’d need the teacher’s help to guide other children too.
Also observe when he tends to do such actions more. Bored? Offer engaging activities that keep his hands and mind busy.
Before bed? Offer a sleep routine.
When upset? Offer him positive ways to self-soothe. E.g. Deep breathing and counting.
Stressed, e.g. move house / new school / new sibling? Help him adjust positively to the new change. Make him feel loved & secure.
Some negative behaviour may persist for a long time, especially if other children in school continue to do so. At home, just be consistent in discouraging them and offer alternatives.
As for 5-minute method, try targeting only 1-2 behaviour each time. The phrase should discourage the negative and encourage the positive. E.g. “Your nails protect your fingers. When they’re long, mummy will trim them nicely for you. If you bite them, they will be painful. If you feel XXX, you may do YYY instead. Mummy loves you…”
All the best!
Hello,
My little one is 14 months old and she seems to be afraid of everything. She will always show a “scared” handsign” whenever we ask her to walk, or when hearing slightly louder noise or sometimes with no reason. We are always encouraging her to walk on her own but she will be afraid and hold on to our hands tightly. There were a few times she forgot about it and walk on her own and once we compliment her she started to feel scared again. Please advise how can we build up her confidence? She has also been throwing tantrums and I saw your explanation “too may caregivers providing confusing messages?”, would you mind elaborating on this?
Many many thanks in advance!
Best regards,
Fish
Hi Fish, congrats on your little one learning to walk. It’s an exciting phase!
2 out of my 3 children are bothered by loud sounds, especially when younger. They may be highly sensitive to sounds, so I just try to comfort them when such incidents happen. And teach them to cover their ears with their hands.
On the positive side, they are very appreciative of nice sounds, and so are naturals at learning music.
Share with you a Montessori concept: When a child is practising her skill in deep concentration, it’s fine to observe quietly and hold the compliment. If she enjoys internal satisfaction from her success, she may not need external praise. If you wish to praise, you may do so after she has competed her task, e.g. sitting down after walking.
Praising when she was practising broke her concentration and brought back consciousness of her perceived fear. This quiet observation skill is useful in her learning through the years ahead.
As she achieves her successes through concentration, she’ll gradually overcome her fears. Of course, you can also show her positive demonstrations by role playing various scenarios.
Throwing tantrums is normal for toddlers who are still learning to communicate. Show her how to do deep breathing (by blowing at your finger like a candle). Try turning on relaxation alpha music at home when she’s playing.
“Too many caregivers…” I’m using my phone & can’t trace the context when I wrote this. Most likely, I meant sometimes a child is taken care of by different people with non-standardised boundaries, so the child gets confused. For example, daytime with nursery teacher, home with granny, evening with mummy, weekend with daddy. If all parties use different rules / consequences for behaviour, the child will find it hard to manage her behaviour and may throw tantrums more.
Hope the info above helps and all the best!
~ MieVee